Copyright by C.T.B. Harris, Ph.D.
Published by SPES, Inc.
31 College Place, Suite D203
Asheville, NC 28801
Phone & Fax: (828) 251-9719

Introduction to the Sacred Selfishness Workbook

Notes From the Journey

Manual For the Journey of Building a Life of Substance: Beginning the Journey

Tools and Friends for the Journey

Embracing Unknown Forces Along the Way

Important Steps on the Journey:
Self-love and Self-forgiveness

More Steps on the Journey:
Awakening and Relationships

The Journey: Choosing Life

Opening the Door to Self-love
One Day at a Time

OPENING THE DOOR TO SELF-LOVE
ONE DAY AT A TIME

Here are seven principles that are necessary to support self-love and how you can use them every day in your self-development.

1. Remember, Love is difficult, the poet Rilke explains in contrast to the sentimental way we like to think about it. Review your thoughts about love. Do you think it should just bring happiness, ease or at least security? Do explosions, struggles and failure make you think love has failed? Life isn’t easy and love can’t be easy either.

2. Cultivating self-love is an odyssey with moments of difficulty and joy. It’s an excursion into knowing ourselves, of asking whether what we are doing is adding to or diminishing how we feel about ourselves.

3. Self-love challenges the boundaries of how we have fenced ourselves into practicality, conventional wisdom and other people’s perspectives. We must gently ask ourselves whose voice are we really hearing in our head? Is it the voice of our heart or of our true self?

4. Self-love isn’t self-indulgent, it isn’t shopping sprees, outlandish vacations, sneaking sweets or pouting moods. It is the commitment to growing in self-knowledge and our capacity to love. Remember taking the time for reflection isn’t egocentric, it is the key to having the kind of vitality that overflows.

5. Self-love is the foundation that determines how strongly we can give and receive love. Without it our relationships will crumble under the slightest storm. Take the responsibility for understanding your fears and needs and facing them in a loving way.

6. Self-love rests on self-forgiveness, being able to understand who we were when we failed ourselves and what needs, hurts, fears and deprivations were driving us. Only then may we meet ourselves with compassion and kindness. This is why our growth in self-understanding brings healing and reconciliation with our essential selves.

7. Self-love is learning how to be tough with ourselves and take the driver’s seat in our life when we need to break a destructive mood or habit. We must remember that being tough with ourselves means being committed, energetic, having high standards and tenacity. Being tough with ourselves is the opposite of being hard on ourselves, which means being perfectionistic, self-critical, self-punishing and unaccepting of our mistakes and weaknesses.